The Brainless Billboard

I had to look twice. Which was difficult, as we were on the way home from Grease last night,

driving 65 mph on I-126

"Did you see that billboard?" I asked Dave, a complete waste of my Laryngitic voice, since Dave is a marketer's nightmare: immune to all forms of advertising.

Of course he hadn't seen the billboard.

I was stunned. I must have been seeing things.

At the risk of over-generalizing, I thought billboards were designed to make you buy something. For example, when a traveler aged 50 or older is looking for someplace to stop for lunch or dinner, he or she looks at billboards.

(Of course those younger than 50 will look at their Smart Phone or GPS.)

OK!!! I apologize to all my techno-savy readers over the age of 50 who have just been insulted by this complete over-generalization. (Even if it is true.)

And although it may seem excessive, the 250 billboards stretching from New Jersey to Florida along I-95 alert a boatload of travelers to South Carolina's crown jewel of tackiness: South of the Border.

The billboards increase in density as one approaches our very own mini-Las Vegas oasis. And by the time a traveler has seen his 145th billboard, he has been mysteriously brainwashed, only to awaken hours later, finding himself eating a hot dog and fries in a sombrero-shaped building, holding a Pedro Lives shot glass he has generously purchased for his next door neighbor.

But advertising for a hysterectomy on a billboard? 

Come on!

"Oh, Dave! Pull over! I want to get an hysterectomy!" 

"Come on, Lou. The Brewers are on in 15 minutes. Can't you wait?"

"But it's a Da Vinci hysterectomy!   It sounds like it's a combination hysterectomy-tummy tuck!"

"Okay. But they'd better have a drive-through."

I think the media buyer who spent the client's money on this placement should be fired. 

Or laughed at. 

Even better yet, given an hysterectomy.

Especially if she is a he.