Thursday, March 8, 2012

Turning and Spinning....Turning and Spinning

I never thought I’d need Dramamine for a play.

We've begun dance rehearsals for Grease, and we're learning those fun 50's partner dances like the Cha Cha and the Lindy Swing. You know...the ones they did on American Bandstand with all the turning and spinning. And the turning and spinning. Did I mention the turning and spinning?

I’m a wee bit worried about history repeating itself.

I’m referring to the infamous wedding scene from Fiddler on the Roof a couple years ago. During the very emotional wedding vows and the heartfelt  “Sunrise Sunset” one of the younger girls (let’s call her “Patty”) lost her cookies. Not once. Not twice. Three times.

Patty puked volumes.

I was on stage at the time and remember thinking, “What is that noise?"  It sounded like bucket of water had been poured from a 10 foot ladder.

Then the smell began to waft in my direction and I had to suppress the urge to join in with Patty’s puking. All I could think about was that, at the end of the song, we were choreographed to dance (with our street length costumes) up and down, back and forth across the stage. Exactly where Patty’s puke prevailed.

You’ve heard of the "Miracle on 34th Street", right? Well, this was the “Miracle on Bull Street.” By the time the wedding glasses were smashed and the Mazeltovs were said, the puke had been cleaned up by a cast member to whom I will be forever indebted.


I am bound and determined to prevent a “Fiddler Purge” from occurring on the stage of Grease. To that end, I have developed a new product concept.

I haven’t yet worked out the mechanics, but it will most likely involve a funnel and a tube. My preliminary design had the tube emptying into a collection box that would sit next to the dancer’s mic pack.

But you know me. I am a genius at marketing innovation and am constantly looking for ways to raise the bar. To that end, I have developed an alternative design which seems extremely promising!

A reverse Wine Rack.

Admittedly, I have to work through the costume implications, for the dancer’s bra size would increase as it fills, causing costume stress. But it’s better than the alternative: costume mess.

(For those who have not heard of the Wine Rack, it is a sports bra that discretely dispenses wine through a rubber straw. Read the blog to the left of this posting.)

But the more I think about it, and the physics of vomit propulsion, it may be even most effective if the puker’s dance partner were to wear the funnel....or the Reverse Wine Rack.

Now that would be true collaboration.

I can’t wait to pitch this idea to the Director.

No pun intended.

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