Monday, March 12, 2012

The Cat in the Hat

It's taken me 18 months to be able to tell this story. The psychological scars run deep.  It's my hope that writing about that day will help the healing process.  

That is, if I can get through it.

My daughter Kimmy and I were in London having lunch at a very refined restaurant near the theatre district that day.  We were seated at a table over-looking the sidewalk.

Deep breath.  I can do it.

Our food had just arrived. I believe I was eating pizza, but I can't quite remember, since one side-effect of the P.T.S.S. (post-traumatic stress syndrome) was memory loss.

I remember looking out the window and noticing pigeons wandering around the feet of the outdoor diners.

"I hate pigeons," I told Kimmy. "They are filthy disgusting birds. They give me the creeps."

The words had barely left my tongue when the biggest, ugliest pigeon (let's call him "Voldemort"- since we were in England) turned it's sinister head in my direction, and looked me right in the eye.

"OMG.  That big one is looking at me.  I'm losing my appetite," I told Kimmy. 

I can do this.

What happened next may have been a coincidence.

I think not.

I was cutting a piece of my pizza, completely off guard, when I heard the front door open. The next thing I knew Voldemort was styling my hair with his talons.

I screamed. 

Like a 10 year old girl. 

Kimmy ran away from the table as Voldemort finished up and went under the table.

The other diners looked over at me, oblivious of the ambush, and began whispering: 

"What is that dotty American screaming about?"  
"Whatever could be the matter with that woman?" 
"What an unusual hair style!" 

 A waiter came over and asked if I needed assistance.

I pointed under the table.

"Did you drop something, my dear?"

I managed to spit it out. "A p-p-p-pigeon! He attacked me. He's under the t-t-t-table."

I cowered at the other side of the restaurant as the waiter rounded up Voldemort with a table cloth and released him outside.

And that's the end of my story.

There.  I do feel better.

I'm not going to let any stinkin' pigeon get the better of me.  Nope.  
I'm getting me one of these. 

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