I swear to God. I was not drinking when I spilled wine on my laptop.
The wine was to be my reward for finishing the report.
I finished up, attached the document to the email, hit send, and reached for that well-deserved glass of wine.
What happened next was inexplicable. Somehow the bottom of the wine glass became entangled in the laptop cord.
Did I mention that it was Halloween night and I was staying in a Myrtle Beach hotel?
The police were never able to identify the source of the reported screams. Witnesses said they were certain a horrendous murder had been committed.
Others suspected it was a werewolf on the prowl for young blood.
I immediately lunged for a paper towel and attempted to lap up the wine. Unfortunately, the hotel did not have the quicker picker upper. Instead a roll of three ply toilet paper masqueraded as paper towels.
I used the "knife in the ditch between keys" methodology and was able to completely contain all of the wine.
At least I thought I had.
The next morning I attempted to log into my laptop. I typed in the password and was told quite rudely by said laptop that I had the incorrect password. I tried again, unsuccessfully.
I looked at the screen and typed in the first letter of my password. Here's what I saw:
Say what? Two asterisks? That's odd. I only typed one letter.
I entered the second letter of my password and this is what I saw:
Then I had a scathingly brilliant idea. I started over. I entered the first letter of the password. Two asterisks appeared. And I deleted one.
I was feeling quite proud of myself as I entered the second letter of the password. When two more asterisks appeared, I deleted the second one.
Smarty Pants Clyde. That's my name.
I entered the third letter of the password. No letters appeared.
I figured I had two options. I could get the laptop repaired or I could buy a new one. Neither option was ideal, and both options were expensive.
Way more expensive than that glass of wine.
Then I had my second scathingly brilliant idea.
Introducing the hottest, most technologically advanced laptop EVER: the duo-keyboard laptop for those who want more than just 96 keys.
Forget Silicone Valley. This baby was developed in Irmo, South Carolina.
And if you'd like your very own duo-keyboard laptop, I know where you can get one. Just in time for the holidays.
And it's very reasonably priced.