Sunday, July 24, 2016

Blog Envy

Blog envy has once again reared its ugly head.

With Linda gone from the house my blog ideas have dried up.  Like a raisin. 

Linda was my treasure-trove.

It was almost like cheating. A humor writer with a daughter like Linda has an unfair advantage. 

Now she’s gone off to the Marines.  Leaving me blog-topic-less.

It’s depressing.

It used to be so easy.  All I had to do was wait.  And watch.

In the meantime, blog topics seem to surround my friends like ants at a picnic. 

One of my friends (let’s call her “Esmeralda”) just returned from a visit to her parents, where her sisters and brothers and their scores of children congregated. 

Well, it turns out that poor, unsuspecting, Esmeralda and her husband were exposed to head lice, introduced to the close nit family (sorry, I couldn’t resist) by one of her nieces. 

“No fair!”
I said. 

“What?” asked Esmeralda.

“Blog envy.”
  But I realized that I was being selfish and let her tell the rest of her story.

Apparently, Esmeralda went to CVS to purchase some head lice remover, and was very relieved to discover that, although the store was bustling with activity, no one was in line.  

When she got to the cash register the clerk picked up the box, looked at Esmeralda and loudly announced, “Oh, my daughter had head lice last year and she has hair exactly like yours.  It was really hard to get rid of those buggers.”
Esmeralda, who was trying to get out of the store as quickly and anonymously as possible, didn’t respond.

(I groaned with envy at this point in her story.)

"You have exactly the same hair color and texture as my daughter," the clerk bellowed.

hose head lice are going to be really hard to get rid of.”

“That is so funny!”
I whined.  And I actually heard myself saying, “Why can’t I get head lice?”

Of course Esmeralda never had head lice and the treatment was just a precaution.

And I’m ashamed of myself for my blog envy.

To add insult to injury, blog envy hit even closer to home this morning when Dave said to me, “I can’t believe that at 62 years of age I’m still learning things.”

“What?” I asked.

“If you get toothpaste in your eye it hurts.”

Damn him.

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