My friend
Becca says "shucks" when she gets mad.
I'm more
likely to say "stinkin". Or "crap". If I get really mad or
frustrated, a "frick" may pass through my lips.
But I hardly
ever drop the F-bomb.
Especially
at a family gathering in front of my in-laws, nieces and nephews, and the
neighborhood priest.
OK, I'm
exaggerating. The priest wasn't
there.
We were
watching my Buffalo Bills play New England.
It was 1998. Buffalo was ahead
21-17 with 11 seconds left in the game.
Drew Bledsoe faced a 4th and 9 on the Buffalo 37. He passed it to some Patriot who was 1) out
of bounds and 2) short of the first down.
I screamed,
"No Firetruckin' Way!"
Except I
left off the "iretr".
The room
went silent. My mother-in-law did one of
her famous "gasps" and looked at my father-in-law as if to say,
"Look what David has brought into the family."
I tried to
compose myself.
New England was now on the Buffalo 25 with just 6 seconds on the clock. Bledsoe threw a Hail Mary...essentially a jump ball.. into the end zone. Hands were everywhere and the pass was incomplete.
New England was now on the Buffalo 25 with just 6 seconds on the clock. Bledsoe threw a Hail Mary...essentially a jump ball.. into the end zone. Hands were everywhere and the pass was incomplete.
"Are
you Firetrucking Kidding Me?" I
shouted (again, without the "iretr").
The priest
brought out the Holy Water. (Well, if he had been there, he would have.)
Instead of
apologizing to my in-laws for my lack of civility, I started screaming, "that was @%^#%^! Did you see that *&a@*^$%$ call?"
The clock
ran out, but since you can't end a game with
a penalty, New England got a first down on the 1 yard line, and scored a touchdown
to win the game.
I gradually
realized that all the conversation in the room had stopped. Everyone was looking
at me.
Somehow I managed to regain my sanity and rejoin the human race.
Somehow I managed to regain my sanity and rejoin the human race.
My brother
Tom still talks about this game.
"It's the game that caused me to lose my mind," he recalls.
Yeah. I can relate.
And in my
defense, there are times in life when a simple "shucks" will suffice.
I think Tom
would agree with me. This was not such an instance.
Only a firetruck would do.
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