Sunday, November 11, 2012

Holy Shucks!

My friend Becca says "shucks" when she gets mad.

I'm more likely to say  "stinkin".  Or  "crap".  If I get really mad or frustrated, a "frick" may pass through my lips.

But I hardly ever drop the F-bomb.

Especially at a family gathering in front of my in-laws, nieces and nephews, and the neighborhood priest.

OK, I'm exaggerating.  The priest wasn't there. 

We were watching my Buffalo Bills play New England.  It was 1998.  Buffalo was ahead 21-17 with 11 seconds left in the game.  Drew Bledsoe faced a 4th and 9 on the Buffalo 37.  He passed it to some Patriot who was 1) out of bounds and 2) short of the first down. 

The ref came running from the end zone and was heard saying, "Just give it to them".   And they did.

I screamed, "No Firetruckin' Way!"

Except I left off the "iretr". 

The room went silent.  My mother-in-law did one of her famous "gasps" and looked at my father-in-law as if to say, "Look what David has brought into the family." 

I tried to compose myself.   

New England was now on the Buffalo 25 with just 6 seconds on the clock.  Bledsoe threw a Hail Mary...essentially a jump ball.. into the end zone.  Hands were everywhere and the pass was incomplete. 

Except the refs called pass interference against the Bills.  On a Hail Mary pass.

"Are you Firetrucking Kidding Me?"  I shouted (again, without the "iretr").  

The priest brought out the Holy Water.   (Well, if he had been there, he would have.)

Instead of apologizing to my in-laws for my lack of civility, I started screaming, "that was @%^#%^!   Did you see that *&a@*^$%$ call?" 

The clock ran out, but since you can't end a game with  a penalty, New England got a first down on the 1 yard line, and scored a touchdown to win the game. 

The firetrucking continued.  The priest began my exorcism.  (Again, he would have had he been there.)

I gradually realized that all the conversation in the room had stopped.  Everyone was looking at me.  

Somehow I managed to regain my sanity and rejoin the human race.

My brother Tom still talks about this game.  "It's the game that caused me to lose my mind," he recalls.

Yeah.  I can relate.

And in my defense, there are times in life when a simple "shucks" will suffice.

I think Tom would agree with me.  This was not such an instance.

Only a firetruck would do.

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