I know. It's wrong of me. But I can't help it.
Whenever I hear about something unusual, outlandish, or downright disgusting happening to someone I think, "Damn! I wish that would have happened to me! It would have made a good blog!"
That's exactly what went through my head when my sister-in-law Maureen told me about the excitement in her living room last weekend. I mean, it was gaggingly disgusting. Perfect for my blog. Why didn't that happen to me?
But then again, would I really want to have a.......
Well, let's let Maureen tell the story:
I was straightening up the living room, turning off lights. I stood up and thought, what is that on the floor by the stereo closet? It looked like a crumpled up shirt so I go over and turn on the light and see, that lying on the floor in front of the door - I'm not kidding it was like 18" long from end to end - it was a DEAD SQUIRREL!!!!!!!! On the floor of my LIVING ROOM!!.
Maureen's dog Thompson brought the trophy home. I looked at Kevin with disgust. All he ever brings me is dirty socks. Dirty socks do not make a good blog.
Back to Maureen:
Do I need to describe the running out of the room, screaming to Tom, and locking myself in the bathroom that followed that discovery? I mean, what the FUDGEBALLS!
If I found an 18" dead squirrel in my family room, I would have had the same reaction. (I probably wouldn't have said "fudgeballs".)
Brave, brave, Tom cleaned it up - he had it on the dustpan thing and he's like, where should I put it? I didn't have any problem telling him to throw it out in the street! I'm sure Thompson thought he had brought us a nice little prize, and I don't even want to think for one minute, about what it might have been like in a few days (BARF!) or to walk over and see Thompson playing with it!! Holy Shitballs, Batman - Holy Shitballs.
I talked to Maureen about being my guest blogger and how she had to bring poor dead Rocky back into the living room, re-enact the scene and take pictures. Can you believe that she refused to do that? I mean, what kind of blogger does she think she is?
So I did some searching and found the perfect photo for her, but Maureen told me that her squirrel "looked much deader than him".
You know what I said? "If your squirrel looked that much deader than him, then go out to the gutter and take a stinkin' picture of him for my blog!"
Again, she refused. Stupid rookie blogger.
Maybe someday Kevin will bring me a dead squirrel so I can blog about it. When that day comes, I promise I will take a real picture for my readers.
In the meantime, this is the best I can do.