Saturday, June 12, 2010

Drop It!

I wish I had a dollar for every time I've told Kevin to drop it. "It" can be anything from a piece of dental floss to a bathing suit. In fact, in the past hour I've told him to drop a baby doll coat, a used Kleenex, a pencil, a price tag, 3 socks, a wash cloth, a worm (from outside), a pack of post-it-notes, a pencil and a wii-charger.

And the only thing he dropped during that hour was the worm. Why'd he drop the worm? Was it because it tasted bad? Because it fought back? Slipped out of his mouth?

Nah. It's because he was on a leash and couldn't run from me.

Kevin will NEVER drop on command if he's in the house. He'll look you in the eye, give you his best Hannibal Lecter look, and run under a bed snickering. Since I haven't been able to fit under a bed in years, he has found this to be a particularly effective (and entertaining) game.

In all honesty, if what's in his mouth is not likely to harm him (e.g. Kleenex, washcloth, sock) I do not engage in the hunt. I used to be able to apply the 'strike from above' maneuver, which involved telling him to drop it on one side of the bed and stealthily crawling over the bed and catching him, unsuspecting, from behind.

Kevin's gotten wise to that.

If Kevin's got something like a razor or a can of lighting fluid in his mouth I have to bring out the big guns: a broom, tear gas and several assistants to capture him on the other side of the bed. (This is not a one-person job.)

You may be wondering how a 9-pound puppy is able to get at all these things. Well, Kevin not your ordinary puppy. He's crafty, cunning and duplicitous.

And he's fast. Imagine the Road Runner employed as a ball boy in a tennis match.

For example: Kevin stands guard from his lair beneath the bed. He observes a pair of bare feet walking into the room and hears the sock drawer opening. He stays frozen and watches as the victim sits on the floor to put her socks on. She places one sock on the floor while she begins to puts the other sock on. He knows the exact point at which the victim's hands are pulling sock #1 over her heal. CHARGE!

Success. Sock under bed (with the rest of his bootie).

I was thinking that we should send Kevin back to PetSmart for grad school. Or perhaps he would be better suited for the military or the CIA - or politics. Anything to keep him from what appears to be his destiny: a life of crime.

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