Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Taste for Yourself...If You Dare

Pop Tarts have been around since 1964. When first introduced there were just 5 flavors: strawberry, blueberry, brown sugar cinnamon, and apple currant. Now there are 28. I'm writing today about their newest flavor: "Frosted Wild! Grape".

Here's the description: "Wacky purple and green frosting and emerald green sprinkles top a golden crust packed with a mega-yummy, grape-flavored filling. There's nothing tame about this toaster pastry."

Have you ever seen something so unsettling that you could not tear your eyes away from it? Like the cover of a National Enquirer showing Kirstie Alley's cellulite? Or some customer in Walmart arguing loudly with her overly tattooed boyfriend about what kind of potato chips she wants? You find yourself staring uncontrollably, perhaps wondering what it would be like to be her (or where she bought her tank top).

Well, when I read the description of the Frosted Wild! Grape Pop Tarts I felt a similar irrational desire. Seeing the picture was not enough. I had to buy a box. I had to see for myself if these pastries were just as wild as they claimed to be.

The box now sits in front of me. It is my intent to sample the product for my readers..after I have a bit more wine to work up my courage.

I wonder if I should heat it up? I will try it both ways. In fact, I will try it cold, heated in the toaster, and heated in the microwave...after I have a bit more wine to work up my courage.

The box says that these Pop Tarts are 'Made for Fun!' They are a good source of 6 vitamins and minerals and of B1, B2, and B6 vitamins. They are cholersterol free and have 0 grams of trans fat.

I'm a bit concerned that the box doesn't say anything about tasting good.

I take a swig of wine and open the box. Am I seeing things? On the foil pouch there is a picture of a dinosaur singing into a microphone to two girls who are doing the John Travolta Saturday Night Live dance (right below the warning to not microwave the pastries in the pouch.)

I rip open the foil. It is very purple. Look! There are the lime green stripes and emerald sprinkles. Just like on the box.

Ready. Set. Go.

Not quite yet. I need another sip of wine.

Ready. Set. Close my eyes and go.

It tasted purple. The toaster version tasted like warm purple. The microwave version tasted like soggy warm purple.

Wild? No. Just purple.

Is it just me, or do other people think that if a flavor would work for Kool Aid or jelly beans then it should not be a Pop Tart flavor?

I'm done taste-testing Pop Tarts.  Until they come out with the Chardonnay flavor.

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