Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Improv Anxiety

What was I thinking? I can't blame this on anyone. It was my idea.

An Imrpov class?


I'm the one who is ready DAYS in advance of a presentation. I run through the slides until I lose my voice. By the time I have an audience it's like I'm performing in a play.

The closest I've gotten to Improv was when my projector froze in a presentation and I had to tap dance while someone fixed it. I told my one and only joke. It's a good one. It's a nerdy one.

Q. What did the zero say to the eight?
A. Nice belt!


Most of the audience stared blankly at me. Of course, the nerds in the crowd chuckled admiringly.

I'm not good at spontaneous public speaking. In fact I would be the world's worst public relations spokesman.

I can see it now:

Reporter: "Miss Company Spokesperson, can you tell me why your company is raising fees?"
Me: "Um...what was the question again?"
Reporter: "Your fees are going up by 15% this month. Can you tell me how senior citizens will be able to pay their bills?"
Me: "Um...well...I think the school district is looking for bus drivers."
Reporter: "Are you suggesting that senior citizens should drive school buses in order to afford your service?!!!!"
Me: "Oh, NO! That would not be safe!"
Reporter: "Can you tell my readers how senior citizens will be able to pay your inflated fees?"
Me: "Um...well...Walmart is always looking for greeters"....downward spiral continues....

Anyhow, I have MAJOR IMPROV ANXIETY about my class that STARTS TOMORROW NIGHT. Will the teacher toss me an object, such as a squash racquet, and expect me to say something funny about it?

I can just imagine it:

Me: "Um... look at this...um...over grown ping pong paddle...um...with strings...um...and a long handle....what did the zero say to the eight?"

I need a dose of Improv Viagra. Or at least a detailed syllabus and study guide.

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