Ursula the DMV Witch

I went to the DMV yesterday with my daughter and was reminded of why DMVs have a reputation for bad customer service.

Linda had to take her written test for a drivers' permit. We arrived at the DMV at about 4:15, waited in line for about 5 minutes to talk to Ursala, the friendly greeter. I told her what we were there for and she said, "I'll need a birth certificate, a school ID and a social security card".

I said, we didn't have the social security card, but we had a birth certificate and a passport.

She said ,"It told her in her book that she needed to have a birth certificate, a school ID and a social security card."

I said, "I'm not sure I can find her social security card. Will a passport work instead?"

She repeated, "It told her in her book that she needed to have a birth certificate, a school ID and a social security card."

I thought, but didn't say, "Thanks for the empathy" and we left. (I think I heard her cackling on the way out.)

There was one place in the house the social security card could have been and it was there. The stars were aligned. I grabbed it and we raced back to the DMV. I said, "We found her social security card! Now we have a birth certificate, a school ID and a social security card, just like the book told her."

She looked up at us, stuck out her warty chin and said, "It's 4:45. I told you we didn't take anyone after 4:30."

I'd had enough of her friendly greetings by then and I growled to her "You didn't say anything about not taking anyone after 4:30".

She stuck her warty chin out even farther and pulled at a stray hair growing out of her cheek and said, "I told you we didn't take anyone after 4:00".

I looked straight into her evil red eyes and said, "You didn't say anything about not taking anyone after 4:00".

There was a long, uncomfortable pause and she realized that we were going nowhere. And, as if a switch had been turned, she looked at Linda and said, "Please put your face up to the machine and read the letters in the 1st row."

And that was it.

Linda read, "w-i-t-c-h"

I'm making that part up, but I wish she'd thought to do it.