My daughter and her soon to be husband have decided that their next adventure should be teaching English in South Korea.
I stand in awe of their bravery.
They could give a hoot about the fact that South Korea is within spitting distance of North Korea. With that annoying leader Kim Jong Un and his hobby of firing missiles in an attempt to perfect his country's nuclear missile technology.
Kimmy called to share the news that she and Luke have an upcoming SKYPE interview for teaching positions at a South Korean school.
I offered to help them prepare for the interviews, but she declined my help. I reminded her that I've been interviewing job candidates for decades and that I could be of great assistance.
But she and Luke don't need my help.
(I always turned off the beater.)
Just in case they change their minds, I've pulled together some recommended answers to a few potential interview questions.
Q. How do you handle a disruptive child?
A. I would spank the brat and hang him from the ceiling by his shoelaces. If he had been exceptionally naughty, we would play pinata.
Q. What is your approach for a classroom of children with different abilities?
A. I would make the smarter kids teach the dumb ones while I snort cocaine.
Q. What are your strengths as a teacher?
Q. What are your weaknesses?
A. I have no weaknesses. Except my fingers are too short.
Q. Can you prepare your own curriculum?
A. Yes. I am actually a very good cook. And curry is one of my favorite ingredients. Curry and vodka.
Q. What challenge have you faced in the past and how did you overcome it?
A. OMG! One time I was doing laundry and I accidentally let a Kleenex in the pocket of my jeans and it got all over my expensive Old Navy t-shirt. There was white fuzz everywhere! I had to use packing tape to get it off.
Although Kimmy was not interested in my recommended interview responses, I was able to provide one interview tip before she hung up.
"What is it, Mom?" she asked.
"Since you insist," I said. "Remember to have a few drinks before the interview. Or more than a few. It will relax you."