Sunday, August 14, 2016

The Amazing Vacman

I’ve written before about the Clyde/Walt dissension regarding our  Kirby Vacuum Cleaner.  I love it.  Dave hates it.  

Much to my chagrin, poor Kirby has been relegated to the guest room closet.

And Dave keeps buying other vacuums.  That last only a year or two.  

His latest investment is a Riccar.  He was excited because it came with a free hand-held vacuum.  Which broke this morning.  Already.  What a shock.

Being an engineering genius, I decided to fix it.

The first thing I did was plug it in.  Who knows?  Maybe Dave didn’t think of that.

No luck.

I tried tuning it off and on.

 No luck.

Did I give up?  Of course not!  I set my laptop next to the deceased vacuum and googled, “Riccar SupraQuick won’t turn on”.

And I struck gold at

Apparently you just type a question into the box and connect one-on-one with a technician.  I wrote, “My Riccar SupraQuick won’t turn on.”   And there was a guy named Vacman waiting to help me!  

Vacman wanted to know if I’d be willing to pay $28 for an answer. When I didn’t respond immediately, he messaged me: “I am online right now and ready to work on a customized answer to your question”
What a guy!   But no, Vacman.  I won’t pay $28.  

I wondered if the cost would go down if I changed my question. 
Besides, Vacman must get really sick of getting the same questions day in and day out.

So I posted: "I think my vacuum cleaner is haunted.  Can you help me perform an exorcism?"  

Unfortunately, Vacman gave the same response. Would I bill willing to pay $28 for my answer?  If he was going to charge $28 to answer the question, I wonder how much he would charge for the exorcism! 

He again messaged me, “I am online right now and ready to work on a customized answer to your question.”

I had my doubts.  Vacman charged the same for answering a simple question about turning on my vacuum cleaner that he charged for answering a question about exorcising one.

There's no way he was really online ready to work on a customized answer!  

Vacman was a fake.

I submitted one last question. 

"My husband got a new vacuum cleaner because he never respected my Kirby.  He said it was too heavy to haul upstairs.   I think it's despicable that he would replace a perfectly fine vacuum cleaner just because she is a bit overweight.  And guess what?  Now the free hand-held vacuum cleaner that he got with his new, younger, slimmer, Riccar won't turn on.  And it wasn't even 1 year old! My Kirby is nearly 20 and it always turns on. Do you have any advice for my marriage?"

And the price went up to $38!

Because it’s way easier to fix a vacuum cleaner than a marriage!

Vacman messaged me, "I am online right now and ready to work on a customized answer to your question."

I'm sorry I doubted you, Vacman.

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