But my sister Jan puts me to shame. She is a real Buffalo Bills' fan. (She knows more about the Bills' roster than I know about my husband.)
So I decided to make her a Two-Tone Fleece Team Headband that she could wear while pulling her hair out during penalty ridden games.
I found the free instructions for the headband in a Hancock Fabrics magazine. (The photo below is of the One-Tone variety.)
According to the instructions, the skill level for this project was "beginner". Which was a slam dunk for me, considering I've been sewing since I exited my Mom’s womb numerous decades ago.
And at the risk of tooting my own horn, I actually stitched up her episiotomy tear on my way out.
That’s how good I am.
I reviewed the instructions.
I had all 4 items on the shopping list, including the June Tailor Quarter Cut Slotted Ruler. (I mean, who doesn’t have one of those laying around the house.)
Cut: for each headband, 9” and 6” measurements are cut on lengthwise (least stretch of fabric). 1 (1) 6”X17” piece (small) OR (1) 6”X19” piece (medium) OR 91) 6”X21” piece (large) (headband) of contrast.
I read those instructions several times before realizing that the "91)" was probably supposed to be (1).
Clearly, this was going to be a long afternoon. I popped an Advil and valiantly picked up the instructions.
Cut (1) 9”X ¾” pieces listed in the chart below (Fringe).
What chart below?
Was there supposed to be a chart below called "Fringe"? Because there was no chart below.
I continued reading.
1). Wrong sides together, fold headband piece lengthwise on cutting mat. OK. I’m with you.
2). Cut slits in doubled headband piece as shown.
As shown? Shown where? Next to my friend Fringe, the chart?
*slits are ½” from raw edges. But how long? How many slits? In what direction? I bet the answer lies in the "shown below" that’s not shown below freakin’ anything!
*Place a 6” fringe through each double slit on long edge but don’t tie yet. Where did the 6” fringe come from? Was that in the #$#^%@* Fringe Chart?
I was ready to cut some fringe in the shape of a noose and suspend myself from the nearest ceiling fan.
I took a closer look at the photo of
Why would the heck was I trying to make that goofy headband?
I poured a glass of wine to get my creative juices flowing. Because I don’t need no stinkin’ beginner pattern from Hancock fabrics to make a Buffalo Bills headband for Jan!
I am Lou Clyde! Nerdling Genius Fashion Designer.
I rolled up my sleeves and got to work.
And within 30 minutes I had completed my very own Nerdling Two-Tone Fleece Team Headband.
That is WAY cuter than the one I aborted. Except it was missing something.
Because you really can't go to a football game without the proper jewelry.