At the risk of sounding arrogant, I have completely outdone myself.
I've conducted research regarding ways to retain my youthful features.
Stop laughing. Youthfulness is all relative. My features are youthful compared some individual's.
At any rate, I've uncovered a product out of Japan that will train and tighten my cheek and jaw muscles, helping to offset the signs of aging and bring a fresher, youthful look back again to my cheeks!
It's called Pupeko Anti-Aging Mouthpiece Cheek Exercise Beauty Skincare Product.
I know what you're thinking. How can something that resembles an adult pacifier offset the signs of aging?
It's easy. You simply insert the Pupeko into your mouth, puff out your cheeks or suck them in while breathing through the mouthpiece, and voila!
And there are also financial benefits to this product! The Pupeko is considerably cheaper than plastic surgery ($40 plus $20 shipping and handling).
But being the Nerdling that I am (not to mention the cheapskate), I examined the Pupeko carefully and determined that I could make my own, more attractive version for a significantly lower cost.
I wasn't sure what materials I needed, but I knew I'd find them at the Dollar Store.
(As an aside, I really should have measured my mouth before I left. It would have saved me considerable embarrassment.)
I had to find something circular that would fit into my mouth. The top to a Silly String can showed potential. I looked up and down the aisle to make sure nobody would see me. The coast was clear. I opened wide. Nope. Too big.
Next I tried on (so to speak) some toddler Tupperware cups. Too big. The Key Chain was too small.
I hit pay dirt in the kitchen aisle. The drain stops were too small, but the silicon baking cups appeared to be the perfect size. I was just taking them out of my mouth when the woman rounded the corner. "I'm just making sure it's the right size," I said defensively.
I purchased 4 items, costing a total of $4.28, just a fraction of the cost of the original Pupeko.
I'm proud to introduce the Nerdling Anti-aging Mouthpiece Cheek Exercise Beauty Skincare Product.
I am so glad I decided to add the lipstick bag clip to my purchase. It adds so much aesthetically. Don't you think?
Plus, now I can do my Anti-aging Mouthpiece Cheek Exercises in public.